Please...Don't Feed the Lush

I've reached the point where I've begun wearing lycra gym pants at home for comfort. I'm heading into Kirsty Alley territory here. I can feel a New Years resolution and gym membership coming on.

Entourage of One

The Lush has gone multi media during the past few months since NYC died in the arse. Yes it's true, I've entered the illustrious domain of TV and radio okay so it's a community foray into TV and radio but a foray nonetheless. Plus I'm getting into improv and loving it. Loving it I tell you.

News Flash: The Cherry Bomb and I are heading into the studio next week to cut our first radio demo - standby for our hot little show. We're officially in pre-production and hope to podcast to a computer near you soon - once we get our groove on we'll unveil/upload for your listening pleasure.

Side note: The Bloggest Loser has been a bit shite for me. I started off strong saying fuck you to 4.2kgs but it the bitches wouldn't stay away. Not only have they come back - those 4.2kg bought friends.

What I'm Watching:
Entourage Season 1 disc 2
The Last Picture Show

Loser Boozer

It's a funny thing - waking up and realising that you were so much drunker than you thought you were the night before - so you go to sleep for a few more hours and wake up at noon only to realise that when the previous assessment was made at 5am deciding that you were drunker - you were actually still drunk. In fact it's noon now and how can you be sure you are sober?

Here is my Saturday night in a serious of flashbacks.

Reality check #1 - You are going to achieve nothing today and will be lucky to leave your room. Weekend gone.

Reality check #2 - The people who were designated drivers last night were so obviously not drinking (unfortunately this was not obvious at the time.)

Reality check #3 - Can confirm was in bed with a gay man while his NYC friend was in the room. Nothing out of the ordinary there but first time meeting NYC friend. Wondering if I'll have to answer to this.

Reality check #4 - Lost silver necklace - found silver necklace as described by smarmy guy.

Reality check #5 - Called smarmy guy a cunt to his face (can confirm he was a cunt) for some reason found it hot changed his approach and kissed me.

Reality check #6 - was a happy snapper at party (granted was asked to take lots of photos) but was it annoying?

Reality check #7 - revealed to friend that I know he dislikes me. Yes - he agreed, recalling he was not drinking, also recall that this will not help the cause of him disliking moi.

Reality check #8 - Drunk dialed friend twice and my phone got passed around the bus by a group of 17 year old girls. When friend didn't pick up on second attempt I called back on the house phone - will have to answer to this later (ignoring for now).

Reality check #9 - - scab on left foot from falling down stairs on way out of party - nobody saw.

Reality check #10 - Had very long shower on arrival home and roommates are questioning me about it. Pointed out that I don't leave the lights on when not in the room and that I don't use the dryer - made a quick exit back to room (knowing should not have left in first place).

Rumps and Bumps - Bloggest Loser Week 1

I'm pumped to be part of the BLOGest Loser especially since I was REJECTED by the BIGgest Loser TV show a few weeks ago.

My BL obsession led me to applying for the Aus version only to receive the standard 'thanks but no thanks' e-mail. I was crushed.

So how am I going to compete in the BLOGest Loser?

Firstly, I'm steering clear of gyms and personal trainers - I can't go through the dramas like last time. I've joined Jenny Craig. Gasp. I know it's all a bit '80s but it's working. I'm really busy at the moment so it's a no brainer. So far I've ditched 4.9kgs (10.8lb) in 5 weeks. Hi kicks all round. I've not set foot inside a gym (just doing loads of walking as per usual thanks to living in the city/Pub transport).

The only big problemo is skipping the vino - coming into the holiday season i'm going to skip food in favour of wine. It's a given.

I'm submitted my weight based on the start date :)

Learning about the NNP

I met someone who works at one of those blokey mags with the busty tanned girls on the cover (you know - the girls most commonly plucked from the shallow end of the Big Brother talent pool.)

She was explaining the mag and how the one she works for is different to others since her mag can be read in public places without guilt due to the NNP "No Nipple Policy."

Leats hear that again: No Nipple Policy. I've heard of unusual work place policies but the NNP is by far the most hilarious.

The Bloggest Loser

I've entered The Bloggest Loser over at Cherry's.

I must admit I was pleased to have this opportunity to use my boxing gloves, especially since it's the only other time I've used them was on the day of purchase (vaguely sometime last year). I've since stopped donating to Fitness First.

The target is January 1 - it's going to be tough to go through the holiday season sans vino. Don't despair - I've already started looking at skipping food in favour of wine.

I'm going to create some sort of a scale to measure my success based on interest by hot men. It's not all about the numbers

Stay tuned.

My Silver Bullet and Me

This one goes out to my Silver Bullet that within in a matter of less than 5 minutes was written out of my will then was quickly invited back in to became the sole benefactor.

Sorry to break it to you but the Silver Bullet is not a vibrator it's a ceramic hair straigtener. Seriously with a hair straightener this good there is no need for the vibrator. The results speak for themselves.

The bitch packed it in whilst my hair was still wet - gasp - I had an important event to attend which demaned this frizzy curly haired femme fatal to look chic. Phew - a few of the old turn it off turn it on again and the angel worked.

Crisis averted.

Baby's Got Back

It's no secret that I'm on an eating plan AKA "loose your ass before next year so you can go to NYC and rule the world plan."

I was sticking so closely to it for 3 weeks then broke on the long weekend. It was a lovely sweet pastry that started it and a slippery slope from there that included a schnitzel but I'm back on it now.

I'm in the process of figuring out what food I can substitute for wine. Surely I can do a cheeky switch dependent on calories. Just skip a meal right? I'd be willing to have a glass of wine in place of say 2 apples.

Save the Dates

There's something about public holidays where I end up searching personal ads on the net. It's Labour Day and once again I've been lured into www.RSVP.com.au

I usually end up spending hours assessing profiles of eligible men who I'll never contact. I'll add a few to my hotlist - get quite addicted - and burn out after a few days. I've got a profile and all but it's not visible. I've had it up before but thought it wrong since I never contacted anyone back. I like to fly under the radar.

I even had a profile on J-Date which is ridiculous since I'm not Jewish. Naturally my preference was for New Yorker men. Yeah - that wasn't a success for obvious reasons.

Do the Bus Stop

I've had quite a few public transport tales over the years but this one is rather interesting.

I was riding the bus yesterday and the bus driver pulled over on the 16 lane freeway. He stood up the front of the bus and announced that the bus was alost out of petrol and to board the bus in front?

What ? I've never come across this before. Hello - a little preparation please.

Farewell My Gucci

For two weeks I have been ponying about town feeling fabulous due to the new addition to my wardrobe: hot Gucci shades. It just feels like more people are looking in my direction when I'm wearing the dark masters.

Yes, it might well be because they are covering the majority of my face but whose to judge the much needed male attention? I'll take it as it comes thanks.

I'll level with you: I tend to lose sunglasses, scratch them, or break them. This time was meant to be different. I promised myself to keep the man magnets in the case when I was not wearing them. Till yesterday I succeeded.

This morning in my usual mad rush out the door I couldn't find them. The penny dropped. They are lost.

Why sacrifice the Guccis? Why not take something less essential?

I still hold a glimmer of hope that they will show up. I'll start calling around a couple of bars I was at last night. Meanwhile some lucky punter is probably ponying about town in my shades...

Love Chances Love Shmances

"Around September 19 your love chances soar. " Sweet - "thanks www.Cainer.com" I thought to myself then glanced over at the calendar only to see that the 19th is today!

Well, those chances suddenly took a massive nose dive. Considering I was sitting at my desk shoveling down a Jenny Craig's microwaved shepherd's pie at that exact moment (it was only 3pm, I was alone in the office, and was now polishing off the last of my allowed food for the day.) I thought those chances remote.

It's day 8 of the new JC 'eating plan' after a long winters food fest. Stay tuned top see how far I make it.

Now back to bit about love chances - there is one contender: (isn't there always?) He's my new radio teacher. He'll be the only male I'll be coming across today (no pun intended) unless I want to count the randoms on the bus (and frankly I don't want to count them.)

Anyway, I'm not sure if I actually like Radio guy or if it's just a proximity thing. He does have a hot voice as required for the radio biz I'm sure. He's a baldy but I like it. The thing is - he used to be a vegan and is now a strict vegetarian so I think that's an automatic rule out. I once had a friend who wouldn't date a guy if he owned a cat or was vegetarian. Thoughts? Although, I am on Jenny Craigs so who knows what he's thinking anyway.

What do you suppose it means that he sent me an e-mail today about Tom Cruise being gay?

Hello Possums

Caught in the act- well not quite - enter the resident possum family. These litte buggers live in the palm tree behind my back balcony. The late night visitors love to play tricks on us. Their favourite is sneaking into the apartment and chowing down on our bananas.

I have to admit they are very neat and leave the skins in a neat little pile on the bench top. They also like running along the fence in the middle of the night.

Shaking the Maracas

The crotch watching event of the year is here (bar Mardi Gras - natch).

Tonight I will be zeroing in on the tight white pants painted on Hugh Jackman who will frolic around the stage.

Don't despair - I'm leaving nothing to chance and will be there binoculars in hand with my eyes on the prize.

Yes, it's all very gay and frankly that's the way I like it.

Champers all round please!

Cock or Sock?

I got 8 out of 10 correct!

http://www.cockorsock.co.nz

Speaking of I'll be getting an up-close and personal look at Hugh Jackman this week when I go see the "Boy from Oz." Tres excited about seeing him leap about in those tight white pants.

Spanish GYCO

Today was the Spanish Quarter Festival in Sydney and I have to say I am loving Spanish men at the moment. Absolutely adoring the cute accent - just sounds better with the lisp.

I sampled some Spanish sausage (not the kind your thinking of), sipped sangria and admired the sights. Yes, there were a few Gael Garcia Bernal look-a-likes. Yum.

(Cher forget the Italians- were going to hit up the Spanish Club when you get back.)

Spring is in the air and it's GYCO season.

I'm going to sleep while this is all fresh in my mind.

Good Head for Radio

New York has been postponed so I'll continue as a Sydney resident for the next year before jetting off to my new and fabulous life in NYC.

Big changes have happened during my hiatus and I've chosen to go multi media (it was an obvious next step really.)

Be prepared for a hot radio show starting in the next few months. Pre-production is under way and word is that Ms Cherry Banchele will be joining me on air upon her return to Aus.

Stay tuned

MIA

Currently MIA. Will be back once I've located amongst the clusterfuck.

Standby

Baby Don't Cry

The role of the 8-month pregnant wife will NOT be played by Lush.

I had my first TV audition today. The audition seemed simple enough - crying on cue. Walk into the room, hit the mark, and breakdown after hearing the news that your husband has been murdered. I practiced in the mirror last night and early this morning - it was believable.

But push came to shove in the room and there I was at 8am and I was not sobbing uncontrollably. Needless to say I am not expecting a call. Damn, I was rather looking forward to wearing the pregnant suit on set too.