Newcastle City of Brides

I spent the weekend in Newcastle "Newi" to the locals or "Lake Macquarie" to the expats to embarrassed to admit they are from Newcastle (yes, I've done it.)

Nat and I we were driving to the ocean baths for a quick afternoon dip when wedding parties materialized out of nowhere. It was like the amazing race and they were all heading to the same beach. In the space of an hour we came across 3 weddings. Naturally, we felt compelled to jump out of the car to have a look.

One wedding was a casual affair - barefoot on the beach. It even had a sprinkling of locals lying in their bikinis amongst the guests. Apparently budget beach barbie didn't think it appropriate to launch her ass of the towel and move so the guests could stand be close to the alter. Yes, they were crowded around an inflatable palm tree and the red surfboard did double as the alter but I didn't say it was a classy wedding. Halfway through the ceremony (did I mention that Nat and I managed to blend in as guests) beach barbie moved. Hoorah. We also decided to make an exit after the kiss.

The other wedding was an over the top affair with the bride still wearing her platforms on the beach and a snarl on her face. Hello Bridezilla... The bridesmaides were dressed in flaming red gowns.

Later in the night after fending off some bogans at the bar who just made too many references to balls, seeing a biker walk past and steal a platter from the party jump on his bike and ride off, I came across one of the bridesmaids at the petrol station.

I took her advice not to go use the public loo because "some bitch pissed on the seat and its disgusting, just don't go in love." Somewhere between her slurred words and drunken sway did I realised that in fact she was the one who pissed on the seat and it was such a nice gown too. I guess it's just lucky it was such a dark shade of red?

I smiled, motioned to her equally as drunk groomsman stooped on a milk crate and wished her well. A quick wink and a promise that she would probably be the next one to be married seemed to make her forget about the bathroom incident for a minute. Her sight was then on the groomsman. Oh no, I hope it's not going to be a shotgun wedding between the two.